Root Beer is awesome.

In the last month or so, I've become a root beer connoisseur in training. In the last week, I've personally tasted ten different varieties, all of which are made with cane sugar. I can't stand HFCS (sorry, Weinhard's).

Here's the breakdown, from least appealing to most:

10. Jack Black's Red Root Beer - This was part of a series of six root beers I tasted blindly, thanks to my loving supportive girlfriend, who concocted this wonderful experiment in weekend activities. The reason I list this at number 10, despite its very unique flavour, is that it just didn't taste like a root beer to me. It had a very cherry taste that overwhelmed the body of the beverage, and it's mouth feel was substantially stronger than the smooth taste of the ones I prefer. To each their own, and I can definitely see a time when I could drink this- on a porch at high noon during summer, or perhaps by the pool. It's much more "cherry coke" than root beer, though. The kids will love it.

9. AJ Stephans Boston Root Beer - Another of the series of blind taste testing, this caught me off guard - mostly because a green bottle says 'Mickeys' to me, and we all know what kind of garbage goes in to that. Safe to say I was quite pleased with the more traditional flavouring of this root beer. It wasn't very notable otherwise. But at least it wasn't cherry coke masquerading as root beer.

8. Sioux City Root Beer - I tasted this one on my own a few days ago, and it used to be number five of five. So, you can tell there are better things ahead on this list.

7. Dad's Root Beer. This one is a classic, and I happened to find it bottled at my local market. If you can, try not to drink out of a can (and if you can get your root beer in a bottle, chill it in a frosty mug first!). What can I say? This root beer has certainly stood the test of time by staying true to its formula. But times change and so do tastes. DRB is quite excellent on its own, but if it wants to compete with the ever-expanding breadth of available palette-pleasers, it should step outside the formula and add some spice.

6. Fitz's Premium Root Beer - A creamy delight, with just enough sweet to call it pop and almost enough body to call it beer. Bottle in Missouri, this was a really good way to start the top the six. It was also one of the ones from the blind taste test.

5. Topping off the top-5 chart is Sacramento's own River City Root Beer. An acquired taste I could tell, but its full-bodied flavour carried my nostrils into some place very exciting. I have a penchant for local brews, and I was well-rewarded with this in my hands. This was another one from the blind test.

4. The Original Bulldog Root Beer - Initially, during the blind test, I thought this one was too sweet. But the more I mulled it over and let the suds sink into my taste buds, I realized that the enveloping vanilla world it created in my olfactory intake was really nice to visit. I wouldn't make an addiction out of this one, and it would definitely keep me from going overboard in a social gathering. But imagining this paired with a home-made vanilla bean gelatto whet my appetite for dessert in a way that isn't all that common anymore. It's like that ravaging 'must-have' feeling you get when you know what you want and nothing gets in your way.

3. The top three were ones I sampled myself at some point, at rounding them out comes Virgil's Root Beer. When it comes to customer satisfaction, these guys do it almost best. First, they win the prize for no artificial anything - ever. And they're gluten free. The flavour world you experience is one of a smooth, rich, and creamy vanilla topped off with a licorice twist. This one is a keeper, and it's dangerous for me to take it to parties - I want to share it with everyone initially, but I find myself surrounded by empty bottles shortly thereafter.

2. Sparky's Root Beer. If those of you reading this haven't heard of Sparky's, then you haven't discovered the Pacific Grove Brewing company Knox. When I first had this one, I drank it out of the bottle and thought it was just okay. This led to the rule I stated previously - never drink these out of the bottle. The second time, I had it proper - nice chilled pint glass. Blew my freaking mind. The flavour is so bold and robust that I thought Chuck Norris had wiped his forehead and roundhoused the sweat into a bottle. Like Virgil's, Sparky's is one I can drink almost non-stop.

1. Yeah, this is a new one. I have only had this Root Beer once, when I was out with friends. But thanks to a well-timed trip to BevMo, I write this with a four-pack sitting on my desk. Hank's. I would like to venture into the realm of hyperbole and say things like 'Unbelievable,' or 'The Best Ever.' I will resist. I am so new to this world of root beers that I must remain composed and keep my resolve for future experiences. However, it has the best flavour of any of the others listed. It's smooth, creamy, has just the right mouth-feel, enchants the nostrils with a dazzling array of spices, and has an aftertaste like ice cream. The people at Hank's knew what they were doing in 1996 when they released this gem. It's super-sophisticated: I see myself drinking this in a gentlemen's lounge wearing a suit, in lieu of any cigars. I would want to savour this for as many minutes as possible, and I will probably divide each bottle into two servings, just to make it that much more anticipated.

Also, in my queue are Virgil's  Bavarian Nutmeg Blend and Waialua Soda Work's Root Beer. I'll be happy to get back to you when I've finished those right after I...Hey, where'd these empty bottles of Hank's come from? And where did my four-pack go...

Oh, Bother.